Where She Belongs Page 5

Shanna closed her eyes. This was distracting her, but not in a good way. She couldn't upset her dad and say what she really wanted to say. She wanted to tell him she had a life in Toronto, she loved the city, and though no one else understood it, she loved Trenton. She would marry him. In a couple months, she would move to HR department, something with more responsibility, and soar. She had a five-year plan to see all her work dreams realized. Then she was going to start a family with Trenton. They'd sell their future condo and buy a house in the suburbs and she'd work part-time from home while raising her two boys and a girl.

  Saying it out loud would upset her dad. He'd always planned that after business school, she'd come back and work at Whittikar Cabinets. He hadn't yet accepted her change in plans.

  "Shanna, I know you will be successful at whatever you do. I know you think I'm being a busybody, a controlling Dad, forcing you into coming back here and do what I want you to do. I really do want you to be happy and to choose. I haven't given up that your dreams and my dreams could be the same."

  "Dad, I'm sorry," she said, tears pressing her eyes.

  "I'm sorry for bringing it all up." His eyes were shining as well.

  "Maybe I should let you get some sleep."

  He reached out and put his hand on her forearm. "Sit and watch the game for a little longer. Just 'til your mom comes back. And I'm serious, sneak me in some expense reports, something work related. It's killing me."

  "It might if I were to give in. Watch the game and stop thinking about it."

  And she stopped thinking about Gabe's lips rubbing against hers. Or the way she'd opened her mouth to his. The way she'd enjoyed the attention.

  She was past all that nonsense. Right?

  Fuck.

  * * *

  "What did your father think of the proposal?" Shanna asked Trenton as she lay on her bed. She had her laptop on her stomach as she read one of Gabe's e-mails she was supposed to answer. How the hell did she know what to tell these people?

  It was like suddenly corresponding with people was foreign to her. She was adept at it in her own office. Why was she so scared now?

  "Really good. I think your changes really nailed it. He said he would send it to the client as is in the morning. He wants me to start working on a presentation for it. With Taylor and Madsen."

  "Are you excited about it?"

  "Mostly. It's nerve-racking, going to work with the big guys. Did you get a chance to look at that information from that start-up?"

  "A little bit. I spent the morning in the office here, then the afternoon with Dad. Totally made me cry, the bastard. Started talking about how he wants me to be happy, but he hopes that I could be happy fulfilling his dreams."

  "God, parental pressure is the worst. Father called me today, he told me good job, but he told me all the things I needed to fix next time, even though he said he was sending it to the client." This was the part of Trenton no one else saw. The vulnerable boy.

  "Your father always sends mixed messages to you. I can never tell if he's happy with your work or not. As if he cannot keep himself from making critical comments. I wonder if he's like that with all his employees."

  "No, only his children and wives." Trenton’s childhood pained Shanna. It had left him needy on the inside, but the outside was very hard. He was very careful with people. It made him seem standoffish.

  "I forgot to say it might be best to text or e-mail tomorrow. I was leaving at lunchtime and a couple people I used to go to school with caught me as I went by. They asked if I'd go to the bar with them, for old times and catch up."

  "That sounds like an excellent idea. I haven't really gone out since you left. I should head out and blow off some steam." His idea of blowing off steam was going to a wine bar and sipping upscale wines and criticizing them for being 'too bold' or 'not robust enough.' "I think I'll call the usual suspects and see who wants to grab something to eat at Sucre then Vino's for some drinks."

  Yeah, she was so not surprised― at his pick of places to go, nor that he hadn’t commented on her plans, merely changed subject to himself.

  And there were parts of him that made her want to scream.

  "I’ll e-mail. I don’t think we need to talk on the phone for hours everyday. We aren’t teenagers.”

  No, but kissing former love interests and keeping secrets was not healthy. Gabe kissed me. Gabe kissed me. She couldn't bring herself to say the words. She would end up lying to save her own ass. She should tell him Gabe tried to kiss her, but she shoved him away.

  Lies, lies. She grabbed Gabe full force. And given half a chance, she wasn't sure she wouldn't make the same choice again.

  No, no, it was a one-time thing. She wasn't still attracted to Gabriel. She certainly wasn't in love with him anymore. So she'd keep this one little secret to herself. Everyone had secrets in relationships.

  "You're right, but I'll miss you terribly. As I do now." She stared at her hands, half convinced she had crossed her fingers in a childish attempt to protect herself for her own lies. She missed him a little. She took a breath, ready to blurt out the truth.

  "I miss you, too. I have to go sweetie, I'm falling asleep. And I have an early day tomorrow." There, she had to let him get his rest, he needed sleep. She relaxed as the pressure disappeared.

  "Alright. Goodnight. I'll text you tomorrow."

  "Great. I'll try to text back. Goodnight."

  "Night, Trenton. I love you. Sweet dreams."

  "Sweet dreams of me."

  She had kissed Gabe and the entire time she had thought nothing for the man she loved and planned to marry. She traced her fingers over her lips and her jaw where Gabe's lips left an impression. What she felt for Gabe was merely the remainders of her schoolgirl crush on him. Those old feelings bubbled up now that she was back in her childhood home in her childhood room. Gabe certainly never wanted her. He had let her know that clearly many years ago. If he had wanted her, he would have taken her to bed when she offered.

  She'd been pretty close to offering herself again yesterday.

  Shanna rolled off the bed and stripped her clothes away. Thankfully, they had only gone as far as kissing yesterday, no wandering hands and no rubbing body parts. She wrapped her robe around herself and went across the hall to the bathroom, where she started running water for a very hot shower.

  Her mother said Gabe had stopped dating in the past year. Perhaps he'd been through the available women in town. Over the years, from his own mouth, she knew the women he'd dated. There had been a fair number, but none of them was ever up to Gabe's standards. There was always something he couldn't live with. She accused him of being a perfectionist and he agreed she was right.

  He once let it slip that he had let his perfect woman go some years before, and he was waiting for someone who matched her. He’d never said who the perfect woman was. Maybe someone from his college days. She never recalled him being particularly attached to any woman.

  She slipped into the hot stream, letting it caress her skin like a lover slipping into the crevices of her body. She hoped it would draw out some of the tension in her back and shoulders that she had felt since Gabe called her about her dad's heart attack.

  She would make a massage appointment tomorrow as well. Trenton had introduced her to the pleasure of professional hands when she asked him for a neck rub one evening during finals.

  Gabe had once given her a wonderful neck and shoulder massage.

  Fuck, why could she not get away from this man? It seemed as if he had always been part of her life. A mix of attraction and friendship confused their relationship. She could puzzle over it for years and she'd never understand why he kissed her in the office today.

  Chapter 4

  Shanna stood in the doorway to Gabe’s office. She realized this was the first time she’d stood at the threshold of his domain. She felt a little flutter in her stomach at the thought of entering.

  “Have you come for my files?” He didn’t look up at her.

  Why woul
dn’t he look at her? Had she done something wrong? “No, your secretary does your filing, I have no doubt.” Was he upset by her rejection?

  He put his pen down and folded his hands. Then finally, his eyes lifted to meet hers. She came into the room and stood before his desk.

  For a moment, she imagined that she worked here. It was lunchtime and she would come down here to share a meal with him. She would lock the door and sit on his lap, wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him. The meal they shared would not be lunch.

  Trenton refused to have any sort of display of affection in the office. Even a private one. At work they were professionals. At home they were a couple. There was a clear line.

  She suspected if she worked with Gabe, the lines would be much more blurred.

  “Well?”

  “Well what?”

  He tipped his head to the side. “You okay?”

  She tugged at her shirt collar. “Your windows must face south, it’s way hotter in here than my office.”

  “Our windows face the same way.”

  “You must crank your heat then. I don’t know. You are much more frustrating in person.” She couldn’t admit fantasizing about sex in his office.

  Trenton, Trenton. The thought cooled her a little.

  “I said my secretary does the filing for me. And I asked who does the filing in your office?”

  “I do. That’s why it bugged me so much. Efficiency saves time.” She stretched her neck.

  Gabe stood. “Sore neck?”

  “I have a massage appointment later today.”

  “You could have asked me.”

  “Well, instead of your paws, Martina Lowe will ease all my tensions. Remember when she used to have a crush on you?”

  “Sit down and I’ll give you a quick rub right now. You’ve had a few hard days. I’ve been pushing you.”

  She let him push her into his chair. His fingers dug into her muscles. She let her head loll forward.

  “Have you minded my pushing?”

  “No.” She felt the tension leaving her entire body, slipping away.

  “You’ve become complacent as an assistant. You have more brains than you’ve been using.”

  “I use my brain plenty, thank-you.”

  “Do you get any credit for all this work?”

  She sighed. “I don’t need to be the center of attention. Helping Trenton succeed is important. Trenton’s father threw him into a job that he thought Trenton would fail at. So, once he has convinced Byron he can do his job, then I can focus on myself.”

  Gabe’s fingers moved to her shoulders and started massaging them. She groaned.

  “You have really great hands.”

  She didn’t notice when he bent. His voice rumbled in her ear. “Somewhere in here is my confident Shanna.”

  “I’ve never been confident. Remember when I was away at college at the start? I was so afraid I was going to fail. I called you every week.” She lifted her hand to slap his desk.

  “Everyday, my dear. You were a kid. After that first year, nothing scared you.” His hands slipped down to her shoulder blades on her back. “When did you get scared of going outside your comfort zone?”

  “I’ve always been scared,” she whispered.

  “No, I don’t buy it. You weren’t scared when you were fifteen and you were out with your friends. They were what? Smoking pot?”

  “Pot, hardly. I had no problem with pot. They had some Ecstasy.”

  “You stood your ground and walked away. Showed up on my doorstep.”

  “I was so drunk. I begged you not to take me home.”

  “I let you sleep on the sofa.”

  “And you never told my parents.”

  He laughed. “I told them, Shan. I called them after I got you tucked in. I had to let them know you were safe. I convinced your dad to go easy on you, especially since you stood up to your friends.”

  “Oh boo, I stood up to my friends. That wasn’t exactly difficult.”

  “You don’t remember it being difficult. You see it as a twenty-four year old.”

  She stood up. “You always have to push a little further until people get annoyed.”

  “Just you, sweetheart.”

  “I came here to ask you to come out with everyone tonight. Now I think you can stay home.”

  “Too late. Ricky Pattison asked me to come out tonight. I haven’t really gone out that much in the last few months. It would have been rude to turn them down again.” He smiled sweetly at her.

  She scowled.

  “Careful, sweetheart, your face will get stuck like that.” He followed her toward the door. “I’m not trying to annoy you. I’m trying to get to know every part of you.”

  Before he could touch her, kiss her cheek, or worse, her mouth, she opened the door and escaped him.

  Shanna stalked back down to her office. Rachel didn’t say anything as she passed.

  She took a seat on her dad’s sofa, with her feet up. Confident. She was confident. She was good at her job. She was valued in the department.

  Even if she felt unfulfilled. Her job, even with it’s good paycheck, wasn’t exactly challenging her.

  She kept talking about applying elsewhere in the company, or at other firms. She wanted to work in the field she’d studied for.

  Her friends, including Gabe, encouraged her to apply for other positions. When she mentioned it to Trenton, he encouraged her to apply for a better job. But it would be better if she waited a couple more months until the current project he had was over, or until their next vacation.

  She frowned and looked at her watch. She needed to get back to work. She had a long list of items on her To-do list. She also wanted to get to the hospital and leave her feeling guilt-free for the evening.

  She could hope that Gabe wouldn’t show up at the bar at all. Given the way her life was going, she doubted this would go her way.

  * * *

  The hot air, the smell of fresh poured beer, and the sound of some country-rock music hit Gabe in the face when he opened the door. He'd spent many evenings in this bar, with friends, co-workers and the occasional date. Too many, it felt like sometimes.

  Okay, more than the occasional date. He'd been out with a lot of women, or picked up in this bar by them. Sometimes things lasted one night, and sometimes a few weeks or months. But in the end, something about the women, something about the relationship, never felt right. He never felt a spark when he kissed them. He never missed them when he was away. He never cared about the minutiae of their lives.

  Even with his ex-wife, Lisa, it had seemed forced. He did love her. The problem was she never really loved him. She hoped he would be her means out of town; better paying jobs, nicer houses, fancier clothes and richer friends. He’d tried, but in the end, they were different people. He loved the town, the people, and most of all his job.

  He stopped at the bar and grabbed a beer. Then he leaned there for a moment while his eyes scanned the crowd. A pretty decent sized one for a Thursday. His eyes found his goal and stopped. Her hair was a rich mix of gold and dark brown highlights that tumbled when she shook her head. Her hands and mouth moved wildly as she told Ricky Pattison a story. He couldn't see her ocean-blue eyes, but he knew they sparkled as she enjoyed entertaining someone.

  She stopped talking as her eyes found him. She smiled and waved at him. She leaned over and touched Ricky's knee and Gabe felt a surge of jealousy. Then she turned back and motioned Gabe over.

  He'd never wanted a woman to stick around in his life. No woman except Shanna Whittikar. He'd done some searching and realized he couldn't hide from the truth anymore. He kissed a woman yesterday, a woman he desperately wanted. And not only physically, though that fire had been burning for years. He loved talking to her. He found himself making excuses to call her. Sometimes he'd be on a date and he would excuse himself for ten or twenty minutes so he could hear her voice. He loved sharing the details of their lives via the phone.

  What would it
be like to share a house with her? A bed? A life?

  He took a long drink of his beer, then walked toward her. That ass she thought she loved wasn't right for her. She'd never be happy to stay home and raise children, which undoubtedly Trenton would want.

  Shanna should have children, if she wanted them. He wouldn’t mind a blond boy and a girl with scarlet hair, running around his backyard. He liked the idea. He liked the idea of a beautiful, pregnant Shanna as well.

  He said hello to Ricky as the man vacated the chair next to Shanna.

  "You want a drink?" Ricky asked her.

  "No, thanks. I'm still working on my beer."

  Ricky nodded and walked to the bar. Shanna turned to Gabe with a wide smile. "I cannot believe he married the Bryland girl. She was a few years younger than me. And three kids now, at his age. My age!"

  Gabe smiled at her. He would make sure Shanna had everything she wanted, including a few things she didn't know she wanted, running the factory, staying here, and Gabe himself.

  After yesterday, he knew she was still attracted to him, and she'd always cared for him. He needed to show her that they belonged together. She'd always been his.

  He curled his hand around the bottle tighter, squelching the urge to touch her. What had they been discussing? Ricky Pattison. "Some people know what they want early on, and some people take a bit longer to realize what they want."

  "True. I always have a plan. One, five, and ten years. I have my future mapped out."

  He was going to burn her map to ashes and he didn't feel a bit sorry for it. He was dying to tell her, it stretched his self-control to its breaking. He wanted to confess his feelings, and desires. It was too soon for that. He needed to regroup and plan first. He had hoped something would come to him before he got to the bar, but nothing yet.

  “I prefer to go where the wind blows. But once I set my eyes on something, nothing will stand in my way." He locked into her blue eyes. Her eyes swirled confusion for a moment, then she looked away, across the table. Half the group was from the factory floor, the rest he assumed were friends of hers from high school. He had former classmates here, as well. Small town.